Mom got pregnant, mom had a baby, baby just started smiling and cooing and BOOM just like that, maternity leave flew by (because we’re not Canada) and it’s time to go back to work. Not only are you dealing with the fear of returning to the workplace, but you need to mentally prepare yourself for leaving your new baby at home with someone else.
I’ve done this twice now and let me tell you, the first time was a gut-wrenching, anxiety-ridden, nightmare that lasted months. I would obsessively think of Nora on the way to work, at work, on my lunch break, on my way home; it was 24/7. Hell, I even got to the point where on a drive home one day I calculated how many years I was missing of her life just by being in a car to commute to work (my commute is easily an hour each way). It definitely wasn’t healthy. I knew I loved her more than anything, but for my own sanity, I needed to know that I wasn’t doing anything wrong by going back to work.
Then came Xander and I was way more prepared mentally for my return to work. Sure, the first day was hard and my little evil friend anxiety creeped it’s way in on my commute home, but by Tuesday, I felt so much better. Anxiety still pops in every once in a while, but it’s nothing compared to what I experienced with Nora.
I used a couple different techniques to cope with my return in a healthy way. If you think you’re just going to wake up on your first day, shed a few tears and move on, you’re probably wrong. I’m sure there are moms out there with superhuman emotional strength, but that ain’t me and I don’t think I’m alone. So, read on for some actionable tips that will help you kick the mom guilt on your first day back.
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1. Make sure baby can take a bottle
I know, you’re probably thinking this is a, “duuuuuuh!” type of situation, but when you’re breastfeeding full time this may slip your mind. When you go back to work, your boobs go with you. Again, duh, but brain fog mommy may forget this little detail as I did.
It can take some time for your baby to adjust to bottle feeding. You may need to try different bottle brands and different nipple sizes to control the flow of the milk. The baby may need to find a position that’s comfortable or they may want the milk a certain temperature.
If the baby is comfortable with the bottle before your return, it makes things easier for the caregiver. They aren’t having to stress about whether or not the baby is getting enough to eat.
I found that Dr. Brown’s bottles and Tommee Tippiee bottles worked the best for transitioning from completely breastfed to a mix of breast and bottle. Both have the anti-colic valve and the Tommee Tippiee specifically has a 97% rating by moms for babies who have had a hard time with switching from breast to bottle. After using the Tommee Tippiee bottle for about a week, Xander was able to take either of these bottles. I went with a size 3 nipple for a faster flow. I also like the Philips Avent bottle warmer as it fits multiple bottle sizes and it’s easy to use.
2. Start thinking about what it will look like to go back to work
Reality is, when you go back to work things will change and you’ll start to define your new normal. It won’t be the same as before having the baby whether it’s your first or fifth kid. Everyone in the family has to adapt and learn the ins and outs of the new way of life. So, instead of just winging it, start to make plans before you go back to work.
Obviously make sure you have someone to watch the new baby ahead of time. That would probably be priority numero uno. But also think about how life, in general, will look. Will you have time to workout like you used to? Do you need to prep dinner the night before work? Will you have someone to help with dinner and bedtime routines? Do they really need a bath every night? And most importantly, did you stock up on all the chocolate you’ll need to get through this transition?
But seriously, make a list of things you need to figure and have a plan for them. Last minute decisions cause stress and being prepared will help calm your nerves.
3. Don’t make this mistake
I mentioned this earlier, but seriously, don’t do this to yourself. This just compounds the anxiety and makes a mountain out of a molehill. I made this mistake as I had mentioned on my way home one day. I had literally calculated that I spent a minimum of 36 hours in my car each month commuting to work. Then I went as far as saying that that equated to 432 hours each year which equaled 54 days. I told myself that each year, I was missing out on 54 days of my daughter’s life. See how this is not good for you mentally?
What I wasn’t telling myself was that Nora is usually sleeping until about 7:30 in the morning which is the time I normally arrive to work. So really, even if I was with her, she’d be sleeping. I wasn’t missing out on those hours. It’s not like I hover over my kid watching her every breath until she wakes up. I have shit to do.
Pretty quickly, my anxiety got the best of me and made me feel like I was a bad mom for having a career. To be clear, I don’t think I’m a bad mom for working or commuting. I think I’m an awesome mom and a badass for being able to do it all. I’m providing for my family and showing my kids that it’s possible to have a career and be a mom. I’m proud of that and you should be too.
4. Remember your why
Obviously most of us have to or want to work and sometimes our work isn’t necessarily our passion. However, we have a reason for working. When you have your own business (I’ve had a few), you always start with your why. Your job should be no different. You need to figure out the reason why you work.
Sure, it may not be your own business, but you still need to have a reason why you’re going into the office each day. There’s a reason you took the job you currently have. Whether it’s the pay, proximity to your house, the people, the type of work, or just plain out of necessity. All of those can be the starting place to finding your why.
Your why is what you can fall back on when leaving your baby at home is tough. When you’re having a hard time, remember why you are working. Is it because this job affords you the ability to go on family vacations where memories can be made? Do you need some self-care in your life and this helps with that? Are you a single mom and you are the sole provider for your family? Is it purely out of necessity to pay the bills?
Even if your job sucks, your why is important to keep you motivated each day. If your why is strong enough, it reminds you of the purpose that is driving you.
5. Stay in tune with work (just a little)
Here’s another tip that I just randomly happened to do and realized later that it helped with the transition coming back to work. Now, to give you context, I’m a Director at my company so I typically juggle a lot of information from a lot of sources. My teams total up to be about 60 people. A big team means many moving parts and information flow. I also took 6 months off and our company is still considered new (15 years old) so things change quickly. I knew that if I shut off all communication I’d be in for some major changes when I got back.
Almost naturally, I reached out to those I considered friends at work and they kept me updated pretty regularly. Even the small amount of communication I had really helped keep me in the loop. I felt like I had a good grasp of the office/business happenings when I returned. It felt like I had never left which ended up making me feel comfortable pretty quickly.
6. Liquid Xanax is your friend
*I am not a doctor and in no way am I giving medical advice. Please be smart and consult your physician before using any products.
This one is for all my fellow moms who unfortunately experience anxiety. No matter how your anxiety manifests, this may help you. And yes, there are different ways you can experience anxiety. Mine is soooo cute. I start to feel like the walls in my throat are closing in on one another and my airway is compromised. I can breathe, but I have to actively think about breathing so I don’t freak out about not being able to breathe. Sounds fun, right?
Wrong. I started having anxiety in 2015 due to some major changes at work. Since then, it comes and goes depending on the situation and I never know when it’s coming. With that said, I also am not into taking medication if I don’t have to so I tried finding an alternative option. I randomly heard a woman mention “liquid Xanax” and I looked into it as she said it helped her manage her anxiety.
Turns out, Liquid X as some call it, is a blend of essential oils. There are many different versions (I’ve tried 3-4 over the years), but for the most part all of them contain an oil called Vetiver. It has a woodsy/nature smell and if you can get on board with that, I highly suggest trying it. It’s relatively inexpensive for a 10mL roller (about $10-15) and it should last you anywhere from 2-3 months if you use it regularly. You just roll the oil on to your wrists, neck, on the bottom of your feet or under your nose. Sometimes I just put the roller under my nose and inhale it.
There’s also an actual inhaler option I just learned about. It’s the same oil blends, but instead of a roller, it looks like a Flonase type of situation. You hold one nostril closed and just hold it up to your other nostril and breathe in and out a few times. You don’t actually put it in your nose, but this method is supposed to enter your bloodstream faster.
Either method, it’s pretty inexpensive to at least give it a try especially if you’ve just started experiencing some symptoms of anxiety and it’s new to you. The oils also smell really good so there’s that added benefit.
7. Rock out before work
This one’s a bit silly, but it freaking works! So just try it! Make a playlist of songs that motivate the shit out of you and play one of those songs right before you pull into the parking lot at work. Sing along with the song as loud as you can (bonus points if you take public transportation). You want a song that no matter when you hear it, it gets you pumped. It will start you off in a good mood and you’ll feel like you can conquer any project, meeting, complaint, etc.
8. Be productive on your commute
If you have more than 20 minutes to spend in the car (or train, bus, etc.) on your commute, you have time to be productive. Do you have a new hobby you’re excited about? Are you an avid reader? Do you have a major project at work you need to get done? Are you starting a new business? Do you need advice on something?
Sure, music is fun to listen to, a phone call with a friend can also help pass the time, but just think about how many hours you spend on your commute and how much you could learn during that time. There are also a ton of self-improvement options out there if you can’t think of anything else.
Take the time to do some research before you go back to work. There are podcasts, audiobooks, radio stations, and possibly audio learning options through work that you can use to your advantage. In the digital age we live in, there’s so many options out there to take advantage of. The hard part is making sure it’s valuable, quality content.
I used to be a plant killer, but now I’m a slightly, non-murderous plant lover! During the COVID quarantine, I bought 15 plants and then forced myself to learn how to take care of them. I figured I had the extra time, they were nice to look at, they have air-purifying benefits and I could involve my kids in caring for them. Sure, I’ve killed one of the 15, but I also learned how to not care for a purple waffle plant. So there’s that…
My point is, when I went back to work, I found a podcast that is focused on all things related to indoor plants to distract me. I started listening to that on my first week back to work. I’m happy to report that all 14 plants are still thriving and I’ve since learned which plants are actually easy to care for, which are divas and how to propagate my own plants to give as gifts. This podcast made me feel productive during my commute and the time passed quickly.
9. Wake up early with your family
Hopefully, your family already does this and you get a chance to see one another before the workday starts, but if you’re like me and commute more than 20 minutes to work, you need to leave your house early and the whole household may not be up yet. Typically, I wake up around 5:15am, get ready and leave no later than 6:40am. My two kids and hubby are all still asleep when I leave.
The first week back to work, Mark woke up every single morning with me (just by chance really, but it made all the difference I didn’t know I needed) and started his day. He wasn’t always awake at 5:15, but he was up getting ready and making me coffee by the time I left each day. There’s just a difference between giving a kiss on the cheek to someone sleeping versus two people both actively engaged in the “see ya later” moment. I was able to have a bit more closure leaving because I felt like I got to start my day with them before heading off for 10-11 hours.
I hope these 9 tips help you transition from full-on mommy life back to work life. I’d love to hear your tips or how you’ve used these in your own life. No matter what you do to transition, don’t forget that you’re a badass mama and #yougotthis.
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