Working During a Pandemic
Welcome to the year 2020 where all rules were thrown out the window and no one asked how you felt about it. It’s hard being a working mom and juggling life. Then throw balancing work and family during a pandemic into the situation and the shit storm is real. Things are harder now than ever so we as moms need tangible ways to juggle it all.
It is increasingly more common for both parents to work nowadays. This means, more moms are having to learn how to manage work and family. But, this also means that more women are graduating with degrees and entering the workforce. That’s pretty damn cool if you ask me.
Here are some badass statistics from the US Department of Labor to be proud of…Since 1970, women with college degrees have almost quadrupled and more than 40 percent of women in the labor force have college degrees as compared to 11 percent in 1970. Mothers of children under 18 represent 70 percent of the labor force and over 75 percent of those moms are employed full-time. We are also the sole earners for 40 percent of households with children under 18 compared to 11 percent in 1960.
I’ll tell you right now, I do not have any kind of secret sauce to make you feel better about the struggles of juggling work, parenting, marriage, and a worldwide pandemic. However, I can offer some advice and let you know that you are far from being alone in this and that there are ways to rock it at being a boss at all the things in life. It’s not rocket science, but it does take commitment, consistency, and a little planning.
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1. Throw Out the Mom Guilt
You can’t be there for your kids 24/7 and work full-time, but you can be fully present when you’re not working. Try to remember the reasons you work. Especially now during these difficult times. Many people are jobless during this pandemic and still having a job is pretty incredible.
Do you need to help pay your mortgage because you live in California where a monthly mortgage payment is more than a family vacation to Hawaii? Are you planning on paying off debt? Do you like having savings set aside so you don’t need to worry about where the money is coming from? Do you like to get your nails done (ok, maybe not right now, but soon my friends)?
These are all really good reasons to be a working mom so don’t feel bad about it. You are doing what’s best for you and your family and no one can make you feel guilty about that. I choose to work because I want to know that my family’s future is financially secure.
My parents taught me that saving for your future is important and you need to start early. I took their advice and paid off all our short term debt as fast as I could. We also maxed out our 401k contributions as soon as possible. As of right now, we only have long term debt left to pay off. I would have never been able to pay off our debt so quickly if I didn’t work full-time. Keeping my focus on why I work helps when I leave each morning for work.
2. Find Someone You Trust with Your Kids
Ok, I am one lucky mother and I can not complain. Both of my parents are now retired and help out with my kids. Before my dad was retired, our schedules used to be massively insane so that we could all pitch in to watch all the kids (my sister has 2 rad little dudes), but we made it work. My sister and I even commuted to one another’s houses on our day off (an hour drive) to watch all the kids.
When Nora was first born, my mom was still working part-time so we had less help. We had to lean on our tribe because I was terrified of leaving her with someone I didn’t know. I’m not exaggerating when I say; you just make it work! At the time, I had no clue who was going to be watching Nora.
I had every Monday off from work that I negotiated with my employer so I drove to my sister’s house to watch all the kids on Mondays. My sister had Fridays off so she would travel to my house to watch Nora. Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays were covered by a combination of my mom, one of my BFFs, Jessika, and my neighbor that I had known for less than a year who just loved Nora. It was so hard to make sure we had child care covered with so many people involved, but we made it happen. It only worked because I trusted these people.
I think this was the main reason my transition back into work was easier than I had imagined (check out some tips going back to work). Don’t get me wrong, I would still obsessively think of my kid through every meeting and check my phone for pictures all day long, but I knew she was in good hands which took some of the stress away.
3. Build Your Tribe
We have a strong foundation when it comes to our tribe. There are more people than I can count that I would trust with my own kids in a heartbeat. I may occasionally question their ability to cut grapes up into a reasonable size to avoid a choking hazard, but I just don’t let those individuals around my kid and grapes at the same time. However, I know they all love my kids just as much as I do.
I lean on others. A lot. I have my people at work and I have my tribe at home. You can’t do this alone so do not fool yourself into thinking that it’s weak to lean in on those around you. I have a damn good foundation built to catch me when I fall and I work on maintaining those relationships so they are there when I am in desperate need of them.
You are going to especially need your tribe during this pandemic so find them, lean on them, and return all the favors.
4. Have a Rule for No
Ok, let me explain this one a bit. Anyone that is a planner like me should really like this one. It’s one of my favorite techniques because I am also a people pleaser which sometimes gets me into trouble. This is my, “f**! it” rule.
I have a rule that if someone asks to make plans and the event is less than one week away (you can use any length of time), I give myself the option to say “No” even if I have nothing planned on the day of said event. My theory on this is that if I had nothing planned then that means I planned to do nothing. In my head, I have already filled that day with possibly sleeping in, going to the gym, maybe hitting up the coffee shop, grocery shopping (or rather pick up), cleaning the house, etc. I do not feel guilty about saying no any time this happens.
Now, this may sound so stupid to some of you, but when you are a people pleaser, you feel obligated to say yes to everything. The key to this one is you have to have this rule in place before someone tries to plan something so you are mentally prepared. This helps take the guilt out of it. I readily tell people about my rule. Most people who know me are aware that I could potentially say no to plans on a day I actually had nothing planned at all.
5. Be in the Moment
It’s simple, put your phone down when you get home from work. Make it a point to acknowledge your phone being put away so it’s mindful. I try to leave my phone in my room from the time I get home to the time the kids go to bed. This allows me to focus on them and the hubby for a certain length of time with no distractions. I’m not always great at this of course, but when I have made it a priority, I can promise you that I’ve not once felt bad about missing the latest update on Facebook or Insta. I have felt bad when the kids are trying to get my attention and it’s because the phone is in my face. Don’t miss out on the stuff that matters.
6. Find Your Morning Groove
I think I’ve finally got this down to a science. I used to leave my house super early so I could get to work and…work more. Then that logic stopped making sense when I realized I could get more things done around the house before I left for the day. I still wish I could get up earlier and enjoy a cup of Joe before heading out the door, but here’s a general breakdown of how things go:
- 5:00am – Wake up and try not to hit snooze
- 5:15am – Start my eye makeup only (brows, eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara)
- There’s a method to this madness, promise. Just stay with me until the end.
- 5:30am – Curl/fix my hair
- 5:45am – Get dressed
- 6:00am – Clean the kitchen, make breakfast and round up my lunch/snacks
- 6:30am – Head out the door
- 7:35am – Arrive to work & finish my makeup in the car
Now, an explanation. I like to take my time getting ready. I do not like to be rushed so yah, I spend about 30 minutes doing my makeup and hair. The next 30 minutes I spend in the kitchen cleaning up what I can.
Mark makes breakfast every single morning. Usually for himself, the kids and my mom. That’s why cleaning the kitchen, taking out the trash/recycling before I leave is important to me. I do my best to clean the night before, but I’ve found I’d much rather spend time with my family at night. I often hold off on the cleaning until the morning when I am more energized. This makes me feel productive in the mornings and lets me enjoy my family at a time that works for us.
I also like to beat traffic so I leave earlier than I really need to, but use it to my advantage. I get to work early so I can finish my makeup in the car. That really only takes another 10 minutes but allows me to avoid the traffic. It’s really just a matter of shifting things around to my advantage.
Tip: Prep the night before. This is the one thing I do focus on each night. I will plan my outfit, lunch, snacks, etc. That way I’m not rushing in the morning. I put my purse and lunch bag in the same place each night so it’s right next to the door. If you feel like you are rushed and frantic each morning, it’s most likely because you aren’t doing this. Try to get in the habit of prepping what you can the night before. I guarantee you’ll feel like you’ve gained time in your morning routine.
7. Lower Your Expectations (like a lot)
I am naturally drawn towards perfection and believe me, I hate it. I wish I didn’t see the one crumb left on the floor after sweeping that no one else notices. However, I’ve learned to clean more frequently so it’s faster and I rarely ever “deep clean” anymore.
I know this one may be hard for some (and clearly for me), but it isn’t reality to think that your kid’s getting a gourmet, 5 star, farm fresh, homemade meal every single night. It’s not unrealistic to think you may only be able to clean your bathrooms once every 3 months or that the six piles of laundry may turn into eight before you can even muster the energy to fold them. Believe it or not, not all moms have Insta-worthy houses ready for guests at the drop of a hat. So, lower those expectations and don’t beat yourself up.
8. Communicate with Your Employer
When I originally told my employer I was pregnant with Nora, they didn’t think I wasn’t coming back. However, I do like paying my bills on time and the hubby has a ridiculous amount of student loans so I assured them I’d be back with one caveat. I wanted to have Mondays off. Yes, every Monday. Meaning, I’d work only 4 days a week instead of 5. Luckily, the owner was willing to work with me. I still answered some phone calls/chats/emails/phoned in on some meetings, etc., but for the most part, it was easy enough to manage that and watching 2 kids (Nora and my nephew) at the time.
Since then, I’m now back to work every other Monday, but even having 2 extra days off a month is nice and it’s all because I just asked. It just goes to show that if you’re a hard worker, your employer will recognize that. Even if you just need a different schedule, usually employers will work with you. You just need to do the hard part…ask!
9. Have a Family Calendar
This allows our family to stay in communication with events that we book and let’s us plan ahead. It’s easy to let life get in the way and forget to make time for your immediate family, extended family, date nights and “mommy time” (here’s some self care products to check out!). This shared calendar lets me add all those events in one place so everyone in the family has visibility. You can even include recurring events like birthdays and anniversaries so you never double book or miss something important.
We also bought this magnetic dry erase sheet that we stick on the fridge. It’s been super helpful to add reminders to the hubby or vice versa. We also add items to our shopping list as we realize we need something and all of our to-dos around the house.
10. Date Nights (even during a pandemic)
Mark and I are huge advocates of pawning off kiddos to the grandparents whenever we can. Nora was only 5 weeks old when we had Mark’s parents watch her for our first date night and she was only 5 months old when we left her overnight with them for the first time.
I did struggle with this at first and of course, had a hard time not thinking of my kid while we were out, but over time it did become easier. We take advantage of this even on weekends where we have nothing planned to do together. If one set of grandparents wants to claim a weekend, we are more than happy to pack the kid up and send them off. It’s a win, win for everyone involved and it’s easy to make impromptu date nights happen.
Even through the Pandemic and quarantine, we’ve made it work. A night in making dinner and watching movies is good enough for us. Now that some restaurants are open for outdoor dining we’ve taken advantage of that too. No matter what you do, it’s important to get some alone time with your spouse. Get creative if you have to, but make it a point to try.
11. Mommy Time
I know everyone says it’s important to have time to yourself as a mom, but I also know that a lot of moms don’t actually do this. I also know it’s weird times right now and we all have to get creative.
Either way, the key here is having a supportive partner who doesn’t question your “me time” and encourages it. Anytime I have a few hours with nothing planned, I try to do something on my own. Right now, even a grocery store run works. Mark never questions me and is always willing to watch the kids. He has never once made me feel guilty about spending time by myself or spending money on myself.
If any guilt is coming from your partner or spouse, it’s probably the reason you aren’t taking advantage of this. If this isn’t the case, then you should have no excuse for not investing time in yourself. Money isn’t even an issue, you just need to get creative. Aside from the money-sucking options, you can always go for a walk by yourself, go workout (in the garage or indoors), go window shopping, or spend a few bucks on coffee and sit down with a book you’ve been meaning to read.
Here are some great affordable self-care products I love as well!
12. Have Goals and a Plan
This may seem like a super weird tactic to managing a working mom’s life, but it’s seriously true. You need to sit down and plan out some short and long term goals with plans on how to achieve them.
If you want to eventually transition into being a stay at home mom, you may need to come up with a long term plan on how you will either supplement your income to make this happen or work on a budget your family can sustain before you quit your job.
Your goal may be to become a high level executive at work and you’ll need to share those goals with your family so they can also be prepared for possible long work days, special projects, etc. that may impact your time with them.
Your goal may be to stay in your current position and learn to manage life as a working mom working a full 40 hours a week. You still need to make sure you have some plans set in place for when caregivers call out sick, your kids transition into school, your kids decide they want to start extra activities that may force you to change your work schedule, etc.
Having long term plans and goals in place ensure you and your family are on the same page and the support is there before the goals are met.
13. Leverage Your Strengths at Work & at Home
Think about what makes you a valuable employee at work. Is it organization, multi-tasking, planning, communication? Whatever it is, use those same strengths at home and lean on others for the areas where you’re weak.
I am a problem solver by nature and love to be organized so I use these strengths to my advantage at home. One example I am particularly proud of was when we first got engaged back in 2012. We had some debt and very little savings. We were renting a house and made moderate incomes for our age and education. My BHAG at the time (big hairy audacious goal) was to pay for our entire wedding in cash. This included our honeymoon and anything else involved in the wedding. Now, we didn’t have a small wedding, but we hit our goal. We had 180 guests and our honeymoon alone cost almost $10K. I say this not to brag, but to show it’s possible with a little dedication and planning.
We had a year and a half from the time we were engaged until our wedding. I questioned all of our expenses and came up with a plan. I built a spreadsheet that tracked how much money we could save each month and when wedding bills were due. By the time we had gotten back from our honeymoon, our entire wedding was paid in full.
So, think about what makes you successful at work and leverage those strengths at home. I’d love to hear some of your examples!
You Can Do This!
I hate when someone promises a list that will change my life and once I get through the list I realize most things are not easy to implement or are even realistic for my situation. I’m pretty sure this list covers tangible ways to make the mom/wifey/employee life manageable and they are all actionable starting today, even during a pandemic. I’d love to hear which tips you’ve implemented from this, which ones work for you, which ones haven’t worked for you, and any fresh ideas we can add to the list!
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