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2020 was quite frankly a shit year for everyone. It just seemed to progressively get worse as the year went on.
80% of Americans typically fail at committing to their New Year’s resolution by mid-February and I’m sure 2020 was probably even worse; especially for moms.
You committed to losing 20 pounds, but it’s 2020 so you fuckin gained 50 more.
You committed to going to the gym 3 times a week, but it’s 2020 so instead, you were cooped up in the house with your kids 24/7 and barely held on to your sanity.
You probably also committed to saving up for a family trip, but it’s 2020 and although you may have the savings, the trip is indefinitely postponed.
So, can we all collectively decide to tell 2020 to F*CK off? No, seriously. Mama, just say it out loud right now. “2020, F*CK YOU!”
Don’t you feel better?
Why Even Have a New Year’s Resolution?
I am so not one to celebrate New Years and I am for sure not someone who is into setting New Year’s resolutions.
I never really understood what made a new year the perfect time to make promises to yourself. Like, why can’t you make a promise on a random Friday afternoon? What makes the new year so special?
But, this hell-hole of a year made it pretty clear to me that having time to reflect on the past and prepare for opportunities to come is a good way to realign your priorities and goals.
There’s this definitive line in the sand that says we can wake up and leave an entire year of our lives in the past and move forward. We can dream about what will be instead of what is and we can refocus on what matters.
But, even with reflecting on the past and setting New Year resolutions, we still fail. 80% of the time. That’s pretty much all of us.
And, for working moms, especially this year, you’d be lucky if you made it through the year remembering to brush your teeth every day.
(I’m raising my hand right now because I am that working mom who did not make it through the year remembering to brush her teeth every day.)
So, what is it that 20% of people do to help them stick to their New Year’s resolution?
The Difference Between a Goal and a Resolution
It’s important to first understand the difference between a goal and a resolution.
A goal is defined by Merriam-Webster as ‘the end toward which effort is directed’.
A resolution however, is defined as ‘the act or process of resolving’.
Comparing the two, there is a distinct difference. With a goal, you are working towards an end game. A definitive line the in the sand that says you have completed “X”.
A resolution is focused on the process in which something changes. When you set a resolution the intent is usually to redirect a specific habit that is intended to be a never-ending course correction for your life.
Simply put, a goal has an end game. A resolution is ongoing.
So, why then do so many moms fail when setting New Year’s resolutions?
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5 Reasons Moms Fail at New Year’s Resolutions
1. You Don’t Understand Your Why
I’ll say it over and over again. If you don’t understand your why behind anything you are trying to change or achieve, you are more likely to fail.
Your why is what gets you through the hard days and it helps you to course-correct.
As soon as you’re starting to feel like giving up, your why should be there to redirect you and remind you why you started in the first place.
Your why must be so gigantic and important that once you say it to yourself, you are more motivated than you ever were before.
It helps to ask “Why” 5 times to get to the root of why you are doing something.
Here’s an example using a common New Year’s resolution:
- I want to lose 20 pounds. – Why?
- Because I want to feel better physically. – Why?
- Because I want to have energy. – Why?
- Because I want to be able to play with my kids. – Why?
- Because I want to be the best mom I can be to them and enjoy my time with them while they’re young.
BOOM! I’d say that’s a pretty good reason to stay motivated.
But, just because you know your why doesn’t mean there isn’t more to it…
2. Your New Year’s Resolution is Not Realistic
Let’s face it, moms put way too much pressure on themselves and on eachother.
It’s not realistic for anyone, let alone a working mom to think she’s going to stop eating out, cook 100% healthy and homemade meals, start going to the gym 5 days a week, and lose 50 pounds all in 3 months.
Yet, those are New Year’s resolutions of real working moms out there.
If you need to lose weight, of course make some goals for yourself, but please for your own sanity, don’t add goal on top of goal on top of goal and call it a resolution.
You may start off really strong, but unless you have a full-fledged plan that is realistic (consider SMART goals!) and actually achievable for a real-life mom, it won’t work.
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3. There’s Added Pressure on New Year’s Resolutions for Moms
We put all this pressure on ourselves to make a New Year’s resolution by January 1st each year that sometimes the pressure builds up and we aren’t thinking straight.
We let the pressure get to us as we see everyone else around us setting insanely awesome New Year’s resolutions so we don’t think through ours clearly.
Believe me, the seemly perfect IG mama that has it all together that says her resolution this year is to go to the gym 6 days a week, make $300k in her business and cook all healthy, vegan meals for her kiddos is in the same boat as you. She is more likely in the 80% than the 20%.
Bottom line is, don’t compare your success to someone else’s. You aren’t them. They have different goals and resolutions for a reason.
It’s more important to set the right New Year’s resolutions than to try and keep up with other moms around you.
4. You Don’t Have an Accountability Partner
Just because you made a New Year’s resolution doesn’t mean you have the right accountability in place to help you achieve it.
With anything in life, if you really want to change something, you need to hold yourself accountable.
The easiest way to do this is to find an accountability partner.
This should be someone who has your best interest at heart and who will be tough on you when you need it. Resolutions aren’t mean to be easy otherwise the ratio of successes would be flipped.
Find someone you trust and can be honest with. This could be your hubby, another fierce mama friend, or your own mama.
Tell them your New Year’s resolutions, line out your SMART goals, and plan out check-ins throughout the year.
5. You Don’t Track Your Progress
What gets measured, gets done. It’s as simple as that.
If you don’t know how far you are, you don’t know how much further you have to go.
This is why I am a huge fan of planning and working backwards.
Keep in mind that resolutions are typically made with the end goal one year out. This doesn’t have to be the case. If you can’t realistically achieve your New Year’s resolution in one year, then it needs to be a longer goal and that’s ok.
No one said you had to make New Year’s resolutions a certain way. These are your goals and it’s most important that you hit them.
So, figure out the realistic timeframe and work backwards to make smaller goals with deadlines. From there, use your accountability partner to track your progress based on the smaller goal deadlines that lead up to the larger goal.
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5 New Year’s Resolutions You Can Actually Keep as a Working Mom
We’ve covered the top 6 reasons why moms fail at their New Year’s resolutions. But, what are some resolutions that moms can easily commit to?
Take 5 Minutes for Yourself Every Day
Seriously. Do it!
I know you are saying, “but I just don’t have time”. Believe me, 5 minutes is not a lot and if you can commit to 5 minutes then eventually you can work towards setting aside more time for yourself. It’s not selfish and it’s a start!
Stop Comparing Yourself to Other Moms
Just don’t even do it. It’s so not worth the guilt you can feel.
You are doing your best as a working mom and you will fail as a mom. It’s natural and it’s supposed to happen.
Focus on being the best mom you can be to your kids one day at a time.
Hug Your Kids for 20 Seconds Every Day
This is 100% doable and is a New Year’s resolution you can’t fail at. Plus, hugging releases endorphins and it’s an extra 20 seconds of self care for you too, mama!
Remind Yourself Every Day You’re a Good Mom
We are all guilty of not doing this, but we need to. Every. Single. Day.
It’s not selfish or arrogant to look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself how badass you are as a mother. It’s so important that you tell yourself this. No one else can convince you that you’re doing a good job. You need to believe it yourself.
Tell Your Partner You Love them Every Day
Again, something small, but totally doable and it will change your relationship.
I make sure to tell the hubby at least once a day that I love him. Life can get in the way and things can get chaotic, but even a simple 2 second phrase can make life slow down just long enough to remember who you appreciate.
How to Achieve Your New Year’s Resolutions as a Mom
To recap, below are the 5 reasons moms fail at achieving their New Year’s resolutions and what you can do to change that:
- You Don’t Understand Your Why – Ask ‘Why’ 5 times so you get to the root of why it’s so important for you to achieve your New Year’s resolution.
- Your New Year’s Resolution is Not Realistic – Don’t let your over-achieving self get in the way of setting truly attainable resolutions.
- There’s Added Pressure on New Year’s Resolutions for Moms – Your resolutions are yours and no one else’s. Take the time to come up with resolutions that will have the biggest impact on your life and don’t worry about anyone else.
- You Don’t Have an Accountability Partner – Find someone you trust and set up some check-ins for the year!
- You Don’t Track Your Progress – What gets measured, gets done. Start measuring, mama!
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