8 Ways to Overcome Working Mom Guilt Forever

I still remember the first day I left my daughter to go back to work; working mom guilt started to creep in. Looking at her still sleeping as I said my “see ya laters” felt like I ripped my own heart out and left it right there next to her as I tip-toed out the door. I thought I could never forgive myself for going back to work.

Overcoming mom guilt is tough, but as a working mother there’s an extra layer of guilt that’s laid on thick by society, but mostly, we do it to ourselves. We are not bound by what society thinks of us. According to the US Census Bureau, 32% of moms also work. That’s 1/3 of us. It’s time we made a shift in society. Working moms aren’t going anywhere.

What if instead of feeling guilty all the time, we felt empowered by the fact that we’re setting an example for our children? 

We are showing them that the impossible, is in fact possible. We are showing them that even when all the odds are against us, fierce moms figure shit out and make it happen. We are showing them that despite thinking you can’t, you really can. We are teaching them life-long lessons. 

We should embrace this feeling and learn to grow from it and find a way to teach our children that although life is hard, we’re tougher.

Overcoming working mom guilt is a mindset shift that I believe we are all capable of. It’s removing the stigma society has branded on us and embracing our power. 

It’s also all about women and mother empowerment. If we are hard on ourselves and we’re hard on eachother, how can we ever move past this working mom guilt? Let’s stop comparing and start empowering one another. 

Let’s dig deep into how we can shift our mindset and really learn how to embrace life as a working mom.

1. Take as Long as You Need

We all know that the US has shit benefits for new parents. It’s no wonder that working mom guilt is so rampant in our society. There’s hardly support for women who transition from being a new mom to a new, working mom or a SAHM to a working mom. 

I took 6 months off with both my kids. This meant that I hardly took any time off from work prior to maternity leave and I banked all the hours I could to max out my PTO. I planned from the get-go how many hours I would need to make my check whole with the benefits I would receive. I needed to max out my PTO at 320 hours plus my allotted sick leave. 

With a little planning, I was able to bank up that amount with both my kiddos so I could stay home longer. I also chose to work as long as I could prior to giving birth. I made the decision that being with them as a newborn meant more to me than working a little longer into my pregnancy and taking vacations the year prior. 

Even if you don’t have the PTO, try to plan ahead and figure out how much time you’re comfortable with. Then, plan backwards. Figure out how much money you need to make up and figure that out ahead of time with your support system.

It is a bit easier when the child is older leaving them at home. It’s still hard, but you’re able to focus on them when they’re at their littlest and soak in all the cuddles. So, take the important steps to plan ahead of time so you can feel comfortable with the amount of time you have with them before returning to work. 

2. Put in More than 110% 

This is the main reason I have almost 100% rid myself of working mom guilt. I bust my ass. It’s as simple as that. I give every area of my life all I’ve got so I don’t feel guilty when I take a break from that area.

When I’m at work, I give it more than 110%, when I’m at home, my focus is my family. If I need to clean the house, that’s the goal instead of binge watching Netflix. When we want to go on vacation, I have a plan. 

Giving it your all in whatever area of your life that needs you most at the time means that when you can’t focus on that area, you don’t have to feel bad. This definitely applies to my kids.

When I am with my kids, they get my attention and I am focused. I don’t play with them while I’m also on my phone. I don’t work while we’re snuggled up watching a movie. No, I interact with them, I try to drive their abilities to new heights, I play with them, I cuddle with them. 

When I need some time for myself or I leave for work, sure I miss them. But do I feel bad? Hell no. I know I give them my all when I am with them and that’s what matters to me.

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Do you know what your priorities are? If one of them is family then you need to make time for that and push the other things to the side. It’s ok to say no to things when it doesn’t fit your priorities in life. 

Do you have a Why in life? What drives you? You need to start there. If you don’t know why you wake up each morning to go to work, no wonder you have working mom guilt. Your Why must be so laser focused and mean so much to you that nothing can deter you from it.

Your Why may be that you need to pay the bills, as simple as that. If that’s the case, then how can you feel guilty when you are providing and doing the necessary things to support your family? You should be feeling courageous and strong, not experiencing working mom guilt. 

4. Be Present

Put the phone away and love on your kids. If you soak up the moments, enjoy them and are actually present, it makes that time you have with them special.

We can’t realistically be there for every single second with our kiddos. Even if we weren’t working moms. So, when you have the time with them, make it worth it. 

Take them on adventures, do activities they enjoy, run around with them. Hell, eat the damn ice cream with them. 

Make life fun during the times you spend with them and they will remember those memories. They won’t remember the times you were at work, they’ll remember fun things you did with them that made them feel special. 

5. Ask Yourself Why

This goes back to digging deep and asking yourself over and over “why?” so you can find your purpose in life. If you know your purpose and your ultimate drive, that will keep you motivated and should push the working mom guilt aside. 

Another way to look at this is focusing on why you feel so guilty. Start with the main reason and ask “why” 5 times or until you feel you’ve found the root cause. Once you’ve identified the root cause, you can tackle it with goals.

Here’s an example:

1. I feel guilty because I don’t spend enough time with my kids. – Why?
2. I’m always busy. – Why?
3. I have to clean, cook, pick up toys, laundry, etc. – Why?
4. I’m a working mom and I don’t have time for it all. – Why?
5. I don’t have help. – Why?
6. I don’t ask for help. BINGO!

Now, you can focus on goals around asking for help. Whether that’s involving your kids in cleanup time, assigning them chores (but making it fun!), planning with your partner how to work together, asking your tribe for help, setting a monetary goal to hire a house cleaner, etc.

Dig deep, find the root cause and address the root case. 

6. Set Goals

Goals drive a lot in life if you are actively setting and hitting them. Having goals especially as a working mom can help you find the motivation you need to get through each work day. 

If you are just going through life with no end game, then life just becomes a never-ending cycle. 

You need goals to find your drive and feel accomplished. 

Set goals with your family so you are held accountable to them, they are involved and you have help.

Do you want to book a family vacation? Renovate the kitchen? Do you want to go big for Christmas this year? 

It’s hard to hit even the smallest goal without planning them out first. Take the time to write out each goal in detail so there’s now a foundational purpose to why you go to work each day. 

Goals help rid us of working mom guilt when we see what we can achieve.

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7. Talk with Your Kids

Be open about your feelings with your kids. You don’t have to get all deep, dark and emotional on them, but don’t keep it a secret either. Being open with them about where mommy works and why mommy works will make a world of difference. 

I’m sure you’d be surprised that your kids don’t actually think about the things that make you feel guilty. They remember when mommy cuddled with them or they got to wash the dishes in the big kid sink. They remember the laughs, the family vacations, and the simple family dinners. 

Something that kids tend to do, that adults seem to forget…they focus on the good times, not the bad. 

8. Ask for Help

It’s no secret that moms try to take on the world. It’s also no secret that moms can’t do it all. 

Ask for help where you can. Recognize where you need help and find someone in your life that is good in that area. Usually the people who are in our tribe are more than willing to help, it’s just that we won’t ask. 

There are plenty of Facebook groups geared towards working moms that can also provide a ton of feedback and advice. Sometimes we don’t need physical help, but just a shoulder to lean on. Even strangers can provide us with help if we’re willing to ask and be vulnerable. 

Working Mom Guilt is Real, but We can Get Rid of It

Working mom guilt is so very real and it’s up to us to rid ourselves of society’s expectations and shift our own mindset to embrace our title rather than being ashamed of it. Even if you pick one tactic above, you can slowly start to shift your mindset and rid yourself of the guilt. Here is a recap of the ideas above:

1. Take as Long as You Need – for maternity leave
2. Put in More than 110% – give all areas of your life 110% when it’s needed so you don’t feel bad about taking breaks
3. Face Your Priorities (Focus on Your Why) – Find what drives you and focus on those things
4. Be Present – Focus on your family when you’re with them, put the phone away
5. Ask Yourself Why – Dig deep into why you have working mom guilt
6. Set Goals – Goals motivate you and can help you work past the mom guilt
7. Talk with Your Kids – Be open with how you’re feeling
8. Ask for Help – Don’t think you can do it all yourself, it’s not realistic

What actions will you be taking to help diminish the working mom guilt you feel right now? Which of these items can you start implementing to slowly move towards a healthy mindset? 

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